hell is never knowing who they are now (tell me who you are now)

stephen christian, again--


individuality is so very culturally important to us here in the west, and for good reasoning. individuality helps us define who we ourselves are without outside influence, it keeps us accountable to our core and keeps us connected to our own unique thoughts, fears, and pursuits.

when we start amalgamating into another person, i.e. when we enter into a committed, lifelong, or in depth relationship we are willingly surrendering a piece of our own being and taking on a part of theirs. recently I have seen in my life pieces of people I have known before. whether it is something I said or something as surface as something I wore, i see a reflection of those people. this is not necessarily a bad thing, and this is not necessarily from just a husband/wife, girlfriend/boyfriend relationship. this merger could be someone in your vicinity such as a family members or deep meaningful friendships.

the problem lies when and where we began to lose ourselves inside the other person, it is one thing to place the worries, concerns, and wellbeing of the other person in front your own needs (which I believe is one aspect of the word “love”) but it is a complete mistake for us to believe that if we don’t conform to meet every physical, mental, and social needs of the other person then the relationship is doomed to failure. if a person is allured by you in the first place they enjoy the company that they currently participate in, they are not looking to change you for their enjoyment in the future.